Evans Akpo

How many older people have you met in your life that say, “I wish I had tried that when I was younger.” Today they sit unhappily retired and only have regrets about their lives. Here’s a reality check, if you only play it safe and do what is expected, and follow the masses you won’t make many mistakes, and you will always remain in the space you are now. Do you really want to look back at your life one day and wish you had tried or done some things? It is far better to try something and not succeed, than to never try something and also not succeed. Regret is the worst depressant on earth – do you want to let it control you, or do you want to take control?

You can learn so much from your mistakes, and the moment you see them as lessons rather than mistakes, you negate the fear of encountering them in your daily life.

Guess what, if you do ‘go for it’ you won’t make all the mistakes you were scared of making, and when something does go wrong, the world won’t end and everyone won’t be pointing fingers at you. It will only be you that needs to come to terms with the mistake and learn from it.

So what happens when you do make a mistake? Easy, own up and acknowledge the mistake. Now talk to those close to you and ask for help in correcting it. Whether it is a family issue or a work mistake, as a team it is so much easier to resolve a problem than as an individual. Remember that other people may have made the same mistakes as you. By talking about it they can guide you to a faster solution. This also allows you to examine the mistake from various perspectives and discover the reason why it happened. Don’t lose sight of the bigger picture! Mistakes are like stepping stones across a river, there are many of them, but the final goal is getting to the other side. The focus should be on progress, rather than fear of making more mistakes.

You gain confidence, courage and experience every time you make a mistake. When you identify exactly what you want and can see this in your mind’s eye, nothing can stop you from moving forward, nothing can stop you from achieving your dreams and allowing happiness to enter into your life.

Sometimes we make the mistake instead of covering it up.

As an instructor, personally, I have so much respect for anyone far more if they came to me immediately after the mistake had happened. I could then assist helping fix the issue at hand. As humans, we intrinsically enjoy helping others and guiding them to success. The problem comes in when we are only told half-truths and asked to help in order to ‘cover up mistakes.’

Are you someone that has a hard time owning up to your mistakes? Do you feel embarrassed by your mistakes? Does it make you feel silly, or even stupid?

Guess what – everyone has these feelings, BUT not everyone sits back and accepts them. You need to do something and take action in order to gain back control.

Firstly, you need to learn to cope with your mistakes and deal with them in a positive way. This is only possible if you understand why we make mistakes. Hence I thought I would share a number of reasons with you why NOT making mistakes is bad for you.

Life is short, and in this challenging time, people allow others opinion of them dictate and determines their life. While we may find it difficult in some traditional culture disentangling ourselves from several opinion, it is important to know that people don’t do things necessarily because of you, neither do they “always” desire to hurt you. You may not be able control all the things people say and do to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.
There is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you detach from other people’s beliefs and behaviors. The way people treat you is their problem, how you react is yours.
Take constructive criticism seriously, but not personally. Listen, and then operate with your own intuition and wisdom as your guide.

Some people even think life itself is personally against them. But the truth is, almost nothing in life is personal – things happen, or they don’t, and it’s rarely all about anyone specifically.

People have emotional issues they’re dealing with, and it makes them defiant, rude, and thoughtless sometimes. They are doing the best they can, or they’re not even aware of their issues. In any case, you can learn not to interpret their behaviors as personal attacks, and instead see them as non-personal encounters (like a dog barking in the distance, or a bumblebee buzzing by) that you can either respond to with a peaceful mindset, or not respond to at all.

You can’t take things too personally, even if it seems personal. Rarely do people do things because of you. They do things because of them. So don’t take it personal. You need your peace of mind.

Sometimes, have you ever pause to realize that what people say and do to you is much more about them, than you? People’s reactions to you are about their perspectives, wounds and experiences. Whether people think you’re amazing, or believe you’re the worst, again, is more about them and how they view the world than it is about you. Same views about you yet different people. I remember walking into a place where someone looked at me and exclaimed “how dark I was” and another thought I was very “light skin.”

I’m not suggesting we should be self-indulged narcissists and ignore all the opinions and commentary we receive from others. I’m simply saying that incredible amounts of hurt, disappointment and sadness in our lives come directly from our tendency to take things personally. In most cases it’s far more productive and healthy to let go of other people’s good or bad opinions of you, and to operate with your own intuition and wisdom as your guide.
The underlying key would be for you to watch your response and not take it personally. Never take any personal remark personally. Learn from it, grow but never take it personally.

Author: Bronnie Ware

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives. People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality.

I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

Source: This article originated from blog of author Bronnie Ware at http://inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html.

Greatness lies in everyone, but some choose to focus on their past. You make the rejections of yesterday the focal point of today. – NOT believing that you CAN is the biggest trap of them all.  If you don’t know your own greatness is possible, you won’t bother attempting anything great.  Period.  All too often we let the rejections of our past dictate every move we make thereafter.  We literally do not know ourselves to be any better than what some opinionated person or narrow circumstance once told us was true.  Of course, this old rejection doesn’t mean we aren’t good enough; it means the other person or circumstance failed to align with what we have to offer.  It means we have more time to improve our thing – to build upon our ideas, to perfect our craft, and indulge deeper in to the work that moves us.  And that’s exactly what you need to do right now.

At the start of October, as humans, we start asking each other  the question, I guess most people often  ask themselves – “it is almost the end of the year, when is the right time?” We ask questions like “When is the right time to start this business? When is the right time to get into a relationship, travel the world, end the relationship, or resign and start a new career? You keep waiting for the right time. – You cannot wait for the perfect time; it will never come.  If you think now feels like the wrong time, think again.  It’s just uncertainty messing with your mind.  Most of the time you must simply dare to jump.  Today is the first day of a new beginning – the conception of a new life.  The next nine months are all yours.  You can do with them as you please.  Make them count.  Because a new person is born in nine months.  The only question is: Who do you want that person to be?  Right now is the time to decide. If living paycheck to paycheck is boring to you. Its time ti decide, now is the right time.