My wife and I recently stumbled upon a story that stopped us in our tracks in our devotion. It’s a testament to unwavering faith and the profound strength of a marriage truly lived “for better or for worse.” As you’ll see, “worse” for this couple reached a depth most of us can barely imagine.
I urge you, please, take a few moments to read what unfolds. It’s a powerful, raw, and ultimately hopeful account that I believe will resonate deeply with you.
For Better or for Worse
When a couple promises to love each other “For better or for worse,” most will never have a “for worse” on the level of tragedy that our friends Jay and Mandra have experienced. Their story reminds us that a couple can endure any storm if they’ll trust in God and fight for their spouse and not against each other.
It began on an ordinary day. Mandra was out running errands, leaving Jay at home with their three young children. Jay, a loving and attentive father, was in the backyard with his four-year-old daughter, Jayden, while simultaneously keeping an eye on their two-year-old and cradling their baby boy. A diaper needed changing, so Jay, with a quick check, asked Jayden if she wanted to stay and play in the backyard. Her cheerful “yes” sent him inside with the younger two.
Just a few minutes later, Jay returned to the backyard. But Jayden wasn’t there. He called her name, a gentle inquiry at first, then with a growing edge of concern. No answer. Perhaps she’d wandered inside? He searched the house, his calls growing more insistent, but silence was his only reply. A knot began to tighten in his stomach. He even checked next door, where she sometimes played with a neighbor, but they hadn’t seen her.
He paused, trying to gather his racing thoughts. Then, in a chilling flash of terror, his mind latched onto the one place he hadn’t dared to consider. It was unthinkable. Jayden was always so careful, so obedient, always staying far from it unless an adult was present. But what if? What if something had happened? What if she had fallen in? In that most terrifying moment of his life, Jay sprinted back to the yard, a desperate prayer escaping his lips. He reached the edge, held his breath, and peered into the water.
His eyes scanned the surface, veiled with autumn leaves, begging God that she wouldn’t be there. The color drained from his face the instant he saw her, motionless, on the floor of the swimming pool. He dove in. Pulled her out. It was the darkest moment of his life.
The minutes that followed blurred into a chaotic nightmare: frantic CPR, desperate screams for help, the wail of sirens, the arrival of police and ambulances. Then, an eerie stillness descended, replacing the pandemonium in a sterile hospital waiting room.
I (Dave) sat with them in that room, the silence deafening, the reality refusing to sink in.
A Marriage Forged in Fire
Together in that hospital waiting room, we prayed for the best, bracing ourselves for an unbearable truth. In such a moment, many mothers would erupt in anguish, their grief twisting into blame. Some might have expected Mandra to scream at Jay, to hold him responsible for this unspeakable tragedy. But what she did instead was a profound testament to grace. With tears streaming down her face, she summoned an extraordinary strength to support her husband in his most fragile moment.
She kept rubbing his back, whispering words of unwavering love and affirmation. Softly, tenderly, she’d repeat, “I love you so much. You are such a good dad. This isn’t your fault. This could have happened to anyone. God is going to carry us through this. No matter what happens, we’re going to face this together. I love you so much.”
They were living out their marriage vow—to love “for better or for worse”—in a way most couples will thankfully never know. In that sacred space, I knew, with absolute certainty, that whatever news walked through that waiting room door, my friends would make it. They were resolute, determined to walk through this storm together. Their faith in God and their commitment to each other was unshakable.
The Unbearable Truth and Unexplained Peace
A few minutes later, a doctor entered, a chaplain standing somberly beside him. The doctor began a well-rehearsed speech, a practiced cadence leading to an inevitably tragic ending. They had done everything they could do, but Jayden was gone.
The pain was overwhelming, a crushing weight, and yet… there was a peace in that waiting room that defies all earthly explanation. It was a peace that could only come from the presence of God himself. The Prince of Peace was holding the parents of that precious little girl. He was giving them peace in their darkest moment, comforting them with the hope of knowing that He would never leave their side, and their daughter was safe in the arms of her Savior.
It was a holy moment. A moment we would never want to relive, and yet we are eternally thankful that we were able to be present to experience God’s peace in such a tangible way. Through our tears, we were reminded of the shortest verse in the Bible, a profound truth in itself: “Jesus wept.”
We find so much comfort in knowing that our God is not distant from us in our times of pain and heartbreak. He’s not indifferent to our suffering. He is not emotionless. He is present with us in our pain, and His love has the power to carry us through the storm.
A Legacy of Love and Hope
The days that followed Jayden’s tragic passing were filled with tears, yes, but also a profound, unyielding hope. Jay and Mandra cried many tears, but amidst their grief, they chose to thank God for the precious time they had been blessed with their daughter. They also thanked God that Jayden wasn’t truly gone. She was with Jesus, and they celebrated the undeniable truth that in Christ, no goodbye is ever final.
Jayden’s life on earth was short, but her impact was immense. We hosted a funeral at our church and another celebration of her life at her preschool. At both ceremonies, two of her favorite songs filled the air: the whimsical “Over the Rainbow” and the powerful worship anthem “Mighty to Save.”
Even in death, Jayden’s pure faith, joyful spirit, and unbridled love continue to touch hearts. Many people have come to faith in Christ as a direct result of Jayden’s childlike faith and enduring legacy of love. She was on earth for only four years, but her impact will be felt for eternity.
The Crossroads of Loss
We pray you never have to experience the kind of tragedy Jay and Mandra endured, but on some level, every marriage will experience loss. In those moments of heartbreak, you’ll find yourself standing at a critical crossroads. The choices you make in those moments will irrevocably shape the future of your marriage.
One choice will lead you down a treacherous path of bitterness. You’ll be tempted to push your spouse away, perhaps even to push God away, blaming Him for the pain you are experiencing. This path of bitterness might feel liberating at first, a release for your anger, but it will prove to be a trap in the end. Bitterness and love cannot coexist in a marriage; each day, you and your spouse must decide which one gets to stay.
The other path, the path of love, is a road to healing. It’s a road where you choose to trust God even when you cannot understand what’s happening. It’s a road where you’ll be willing to use your own pain as a way to help others find healing, which will ultimately help you find healing in your own heart and in your marriage.
This path of love and healing is the one Jay and Mandra chose to follow. They continue to celebrate Jayden’s life and legacy, bravely sharing their story as a powerful source of strength and hope for people all over the world. We are honored to call them our friends, and we sincerely hope that if we ever experience a similar tragedy, we would have the faith to respond with the same grace and unwavering trust they have shown.
We don’t believe it’s possible to have peace after a loss like Jay and Mandra’s without unwavering faith in God’s presence and provision. Jay and Mandra wisely understand that real peace isn’t the absence of tragedy, but the presence of a Savior who is bigger than your tragedy. Healing from a broken heart isn’t the result of mere time and effort. It comes when we put our trust in the Healer of our hearts. As the Apostle Paul writes in Galatians 6:2, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ.”
You can get through any storm in your marriage if you’ll choose to face it with faith in God and complete partnership with your spouse. Love each other. Respect each other. Pray for each other. Face every struggle hand-in-hand and side-by-side. Carry each other’s burdens. You’ll get through this together, because God will be carrying you, and He will never leave your side.
Evans Akpo 