It’s easy to get so caught up admiring how well things seem to be going for other people that you forget your own story is waiting to be written. Every day is a chance to shape it—so why not start now? You already have what it takes to grow into the person you’re meant to be. Big transformations begin when you choose to put yourself first. And here’s the truth: you won’t always be front and center in other people’s lives—that’s why you have to show up for yourself. Treat yourself with kindness, look after your well-being, and become your own biggest supporter. That means spending less time just absorbing what everyone else is doing, and more time building, creating, and living your own journey. It’s about not handing over your voice or your choices to anyone else.
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” — Viktor E. Frankl
Holding Tightly to the Way Things Once Were
One thing is certain during a terminal degree journey—you’re not the same person who started this process. Not a year ago, not even a month ago. Every chapter, challenge, and paper is shaping you. And while you can’t control everything that happens, you can choose your attitude along the way. That choice helps you manage change, rather than letting change manage you.
So stay humble. Stay teachable. The world—and your research—is often bigger than you imagined. There’s always room for a fresh insight or a new approach. But first, you have to accept that things may never return to how they were at the start. And that’s okay. Because what looks like an ending is often the beginning of something better.
Whether in education or everyday life, it’s easy to fall into the habit of stressing over things we simply can’t control. Maybe it’s a student’s behavior, decisions from above, or unexpected challenges that pop up. But trying to control the uncontrollable only drains your energy and leaves you frustrated.
So, choose wisely where you put your energy today. If something can be fixed—great, fix it. If it can’t, try to shift your mindset about it. Whatever you do, don’t let yourself waste precious energy stressing over what’s already behind you or things you’re just imagining in your head.
The truth is, some of the most meaningful breakthroughs come when we stop fighting what we can’t change. When that happens, we’re pushed to grow, to shift our perspective, and to rise above. That’s where the real change begins—not just in ourselves, but in those we influence.
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” — Viktor E. Frankl
“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” — Buddha
At the end of the day, letting go of what you can’t control frees you up to focus on what you can—learning, growing, and making a positive difference right where you are.
Graduation is a powerful milestone—the closing of one chapter and the exciting, sometimes uncertain, beginning of another. As you step into life beyond the classroom, it is natural to ask: What comes next?How do I find success?How do I live a life of meaning?
One truth I want to highlight is this: life after graduation is not immediately a polished diamond. The path ahead will have its share of rough edges—challenges, rejections, setbacks—but also moments of acceptance, growth, and unexpected victories. Every challenge you face will shape you, refine you, and prepare you for greater strength and wisdom. The journey is not always easy, but it is worth it.
Two powerful books offer timeless guidance for this new phase. In Leaders Eat Last by Simon Sinek, we are reminded that the greatest leaders are those who put others first. Sinek paints a vision of leadership rooted in service, empathy, and trust. As you enter the next phase of your journey—whether starting a career, continuing education, or contributing to your community—remember that true success is not about personal gain at the expense of others. Instead, it is about lifting others up even when you are climbing your own mountain. When you build circles of trust, protect, support, and encourage those around you, you not only lead—you inspire.
Similarly, in The Measure of a Man, Sidney Poitier reflects on what it means to live with integrity and honor. His life teaches us that the true measure of success is not fame, wealth, or recognition, but the character we build through both acceptance and rejection, through both triumphs and trials. As you move forward, you will face obstacles and hear the word no more than you might expect. But each rejection will guide you closer to your purpose. Poitier reminds us that what matters most is the courage to stay true to your values and to walk your path with dignity.
Life after graduation will test you—but it will also reward you. Stay committed to kindness, service, and strength of character. Choose to be the kind of leader who eats last, who uplifts others, and who measures success by the lives you touch. In doing so, you will not only succeed—you will thrive.
Congratulations on your achievement. Your future may not be easy—but it will shine brighter than any diamond, because it will be built by your hands, your heart, and your resilience.
In my role as an associate professor in our Doctorate of Strategic Leadership program, few courses have been as challenging, yet as rewarding, as “Ethical Leadership,” which I’ve had the privilege of teaching for the past two semesters. What makes this class uniquely demanding, pushing both me and my students to our best, is its core requirement: a deep, honest examination of our motives and a commitment to 100% ethical decision-making.
Please note, my students are a remarkable group: highly intelligent individuals, including military personnel, Navy officers, business owners, teachers, and seasoned professionals in their respective fields. I emphasized to them from day one that we would lead by example. Leaders, I explained, cannot truly lead without the cooperation of their followers. This means followers have a crucial role in shaping the ethical landscape of an organization. Knowing the intensity of this introspection, I made a very clear promise to my students at the outset of each 8-week course: I would ensure all their work was graded and posted by Thursday. More than just a deadline, I framed it as an ethical imperative. “If you don’t see your grades posted by Thursday,” I told them, “you must hold me accountable. Call me out on any errors or mistakes. Followers must hold leaders accountable.”
Then, one week, I intentionally withheld the grades. I waited, expecting an email, a call—any form of challenge. But the silence was deafening. Not a single student reached out to hold me to my stated commitment. When I finally inquired why they hadn’t, none could offer a clear excuse.
This experience brought to light a significant challenge many organizations face: the reluctance to hold leadership accountable. This is precisely what happens when followers allow unquestioned actions from leadership, a dynamic we often see playing out in various organizations. It’s a common hurdle, yet a critical one, because as the saying goes, “The ultimate test of a moral society is the kind of world that it leaves to its children.” Our ability to build a truly ethical and responsible future hinges on our willingness to challenge, to question, and to demand accountability from those in leadership, including ourselves.
My wife and I recently stumbled upon a story that stopped us in our tracks in our devotion. It’s a testament to unwavering faith and the profound strength of a marriage truly lived “for better or for worse.” As you’ll see, “worse” for this couple reached a depth most of us can barely imagine. I urge you, please, take a few moments to read what unfolds. It’s a powerful, raw, and ultimately hopeful account that I believe will resonate deeply with you. For Better or for Worse When a couple promises to love each other “For better or for worse,” most will never have a “for worse” on the level of tragedy that our friends Jay and Mandra have experienced. Their story reminds us that a couple can endure any storm if they’ll trust in God and fight for their spouse and not against each other. It began on an ordinary day. Mandra was out running errands, leaving Jay at home with their three young children. Jay, a loving and attentive father, was in the backyard with his four-year-old daughter, Jayden, while simultaneously keeping an eye on their two-year-old and cradling their baby boy. A diaper needed changing, so Jay, with a quick check, asked Jayden if she wanted to stay and play in the backyard. Her cheerful “yes” sent him inside with the younger two. Just a few minutes later, Jay returned to the backyard. But Jayden wasn’t there. He called her name, a gentle inquiry at first, then with a growing edge of concern. No answer. Perhaps she’d wandered inside? He searched the house, his calls growing more insistent, but silence was his only reply. A knot began to tighten in his stomach. He even checked next door, where she sometimes played with a neighbor, but they hadn’t seen her. He paused, trying to gather his racing thoughts. Then, in a chilling flash of terror, his mind latched onto the one place he hadn’t dared to consider. It was unthinkable. Jayden was always so careful, so obedient, always staying far from it unless an adult was present. But what if? What if something had happened? What if she had fallen in? In that most terrifying moment of his life, Jay sprinted back to the yard, a desperate prayer escaping his lips. He reached the edge, held his breath, and peered into the water. His eyes scanned the surface, veiled with autumn leaves, begging God that she wouldn’t be there. The color drained from his face the instant he saw her, motionless, on the floor of the swimming pool. He dove in. Pulled her out. It was the darkest moment of his life. The minutes that followed blurred into a chaotic nightmare: frantic CPR, desperate screams for help, the wail of sirens, the arrival of police and ambulances. Then, an eerie stillness descended, replacing the pandemonium in a sterile hospital waiting room. I (Dave) sat with them in that room, the silence deafening, the reality refusing to sink in. A Marriage Forged in Fire Together in that hospital waiting room, we prayed for the best, bracing ourselves for an unbearable truth. In such a moment, many mothers would erupt in anguish, their grief twisting into blame. Some might have expected Mandra to scream at Jay, to hold him responsible for this unspeakable tragedy. But what she did instead was a profound testament to grace. With tears streaming down her face, she summoned an extraordinary strength to support her husband in his most fragile moment. She kept rubbing his back, whispering words of unwavering love and affirmation. Softly, tenderly, she’d repeat, “I love you so much. You are such a good dad. This isn’t your fault. This could have happened to anyone. God is going to carry us through this. No matter what happens, we’re going to face this together. I love you so much.” They were living out their marriage vow—to love “for better or for worse”—in a way most couples will thankfully never know. In that sacred space, I knew, with absolute certainty, that whatever news walked through that waiting room door, my friends would make it. They were resolute, determined to walk through this storm together. Their faith in God and their commitment to each other was unshakable. The Unbearable Truth and Unexplained Peace A few minutes later, a doctor entered, a chaplain standing somberly beside him. The doctor began a well-rehearsed speech, a practiced cadence leading to an inevitably tragic ending. They had done everything they could do, but Jayden was gone. The pain was overwhelming, a crushing weight, and yet… there was a peace in that waiting room that defies all earthly explanation. It was a peace that could only come from the presence of God himself. The Prince of Peace was holding the parents of that precious little girl. He was giving them peace in their darkest moment, comforting them with the hope of knowing that He would never leave their side, and their daughter was safe in the arms of her Savior. It was a holy moment. A moment we would never want to relive, and yet we are eternally thankful that we were able to be present to experience God’s peace in such a tangible way. Through our tears, we were reminded of the shortest verse in the Bible, a profound truth in itself: “Jesus wept.” We find so much comfort in knowing that our God is not distant from us in our times of pain and heartbreak. He’s not indifferent to our suffering. He is not emotionless. He is present with us in our pain, and His love has the power to carry us through the storm. A Legacy of Love and Hope The days that followed Jayden’s tragic passing were filled with tears, yes, but also a profound, unyielding hope. Jay and Mandra cried many tears, but amidst their grief, they chose to thank God for the precious time they had been blessed with their daughter. They also thanked God that Jayden wasn’t truly gone. She was with Jesus, and they celebrated the undeniable truth that in Christ, no goodbye is ever final. Jayden’s life on earth was short, but her impact was immense. We hosted a funeral at our church and another celebration of her life at her preschool. At both ceremonies, two of her favorite songs filled the air: the whimsical “Over the Rainbow” and the powerful worship anthem “Mighty to Save.” Even in death, Jayden’s pure faith, joyful spirit, and unbridled love continue to touch hearts. Many people have come to faith in Christ as a direct result of Jayden’s childlike faith and enduring legacy of love. She was on earth for only four years, but her impact will be felt for eternity. The Crossroads of Loss We pray you never have to experience the kind of tragedy Jay and Mandra endured, but on some level, every marriage will experience loss. In those moments of heartbreak, you’ll find yourself standing at a critical crossroads. The choices you make in those moments will irrevocably shape the future of your marriage. One choice will lead you down a treacherous path of bitterness. You’ll be tempted to push your spouse away, perhaps even to push God away, blaming Him for the pain you are experiencing. This path of bitterness might feel liberating at first, a release for your anger, but it will prove to be a trap in the end. Bitterness and love cannot coexist in a marriage; each day, you and your spouse must decide which one gets to stay. The other path, the path of love, is a road to healing. It’s a road where you choose to trust God even when you cannot understand what’s happening. It’s a road where you’ll be willing to use your own pain as a way to help others find healing, which will ultimately help you find healing in your own heart and in your marriage. This path of love and healing is the one Jay and Mandra chose to follow. They continue to celebrate Jayden’s life and legacy, bravely sharing their story as a powerful source of strength and hope for people all over the world. We are honored to call them our friends, and we sincerely hope that if we ever experience a similar tragedy, we would have the faith to respond with the same grace and unwavering trust they have shown. We don’t believe it’s possible to have peace after a loss like Jay and Mandra’s without unwavering faith in God’s presence and provision. Jay and Mandra wisely understand that real peace isn’t the absence of tragedy, but the presence of a Savior who is bigger than your tragedy. Healing from a broken heart isn’t the result of mere time and effort. It comes when we put our trust in the Healer of our hearts. As the Apostle Paul writes in Galatians 6:2, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ.” You can get through any storm in your marriage if you’ll choose to face it with faith in God and complete partnership with your spouse. Love each other. Respect each other. Pray for each other. Face every struggle hand-in-hand and side-by-side. Carry each other’s burdens. You’ll get through this together, because God will be carrying you, and He will never leave your side.
While reading The Power of Regret by Daniel Pink, one story stood out to me on the topic of foundational regrets. Pink emphasizes a common theme in scholarly discussions—the deep regret of inaction. This type of regret often manifests in missed opportunities, such as not pursuing a degree, certification, or skill that could have made a significant difference in one’s life.
A compelling analogy Pink references is Aesop’s fable of The Ant and the Grasshopper. In the story, the carefree grasshopper spends the summer playing and idling away while trying to lure the diligent ant into leisure. However, the ant remains focused on gathering and storing food. When winter arrives, the grasshopper, unprepared, suffers from hunger and eventually perishes, while the ant and its family thrive on the provisions they wisely collected.
This fable serves as a powerful metaphor for life. Just like the grasshopper, many people postpone important decisions, failing to prepare for the future—whether in education, financial planning, or personal growth. However, by adopting the mindset of the ant, we can mitigate foundational regrets by taking proactive steps today to secure a better tomorrow.
The lesson here is clear: preparation and foresight are key. Whether in old age, during adversities, or in moments of unexpected challenge, those who invest in themselves will always be better positioned for success.
To truly move forward in life, we must abandon the illusion that we already have all the answers. Real progress comes from an open mind and a willingness to learn. So, keep seeking knowledge. Never stop investing in yourself. Read voraciously, research deeply, and engage with people—especially those who challenge your perspective. Ask questions, listen with intention, and let curiosity be your guide.
But knowledge alone is not enough. True wisdom lies in applying what you learn to make a meaningful impact. Growth isn’t just about personal gain—it’s about using your insights to uplift others and create lasting change.
As Socrates wisely said, “The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.” And in the words of Confucius, “Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance.” Stay humble, stay hungry for growth, and let your learning be a light for others.
It’s so true, isn’t it? We’re always changing, becoming someone new. Think about it – you’re not the same person you were even a week ago! Life just keeps moving forward, and we’re constantly learning and growing along the way.
Now, we can’t control everything that happens to us, but we can definitely choose how we react to it. That’s where our attitude comes in. If we can learn to master change instead of letting it overwhelm us, we’ll be so much better off.
One of the most important things is to stay humble and open to new ideas. The world is a vast place, and there’s always something new to learn. But to do that, we have to let go of the past and accept that things might never go back to the way they were. It’s like the saying goes, every ending is really a new beginning.
So, what do you say? Let’s embrace the present, be open to change, and see what amazing things life has in store for us! ✨
No one else can live your life for you. People may advise, accompany, or even influence you, but ultimately, the choices are yours. Ensure that the road you take aligns with your inner truth, and don’t hesitate to change course or carve a new path when needed.
It’s always wiser to start at the bottom of the ladder you wish to climb than to stand atop one that leads nowhere. Stay committed, remain patient, and understand that patience isn’t idle waiting—it’s the ability to persist with optimism while working toward your goals.
In the end, your daily actions define you. Let your deeds speak louder than your words. Let your journey tell a story stronger than any speech. And ultimately, let your success be your loudest voice.
“Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
Evans Akpo 