Evans Akpo

We get into the temptation of remembering the wrongs in our past. I’ve always struggled with forgetting things. Without exceptions, I believe most people remember the details of wrongs in depth. Sometimes, its about the lost love, troubles of our past.

However, it may be, we could decide to look beyond the painful issue and focus on the future.
Your past has given you the strength and wisdom you have today, so celebrate it. Don’t let it haunt you. Replaying a painful memory over and over in your head is a form of self-abuse. Toxic thoughts create a toxic life. Make peace with yourself and your past.

When you heal your thoughts, you heal the health of your happiness. Now is the time to stop focusing on old problems and things you don’t want in your future. Because the more you think about them, the more you attract what you fear into your everyday experiences – you become your own worst enemy.

As a staff years ago in a Psychiatric Hospital in California, I met a patient that changed my life and made me start thinking about the power of the mind.  The patient suggested “the four agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz to me. The author 4 key points hinges on words. The book highlights the following values. “Be impeccable with your word, Don’t take anything personally, Don’t make assumptions, Always do your best.”

I noticed before our words comes out, there is something about our mind. Our mind is very important.

The mind is your battleground. It’s the place where the greatest conflict resides. It’s where half of the things you thought were going to happen, never did happen. But if you allow these thoughts to dwell in your mind, they will succeed in robbing you of peace, joy, and ultimately your life. You will think yourself into a nervous breakdown, into depression, and into defeat. Because you are what you think. And you can’t change anything if you can’t change your thinking. A beautiful day, and thus a beautiful life, always begins with a beautiful mindset. When you awake each morning, take a second to think about what a privilege it is to simply be alive and healthy. Breathe onto the bathroom mirror, just to see how amazing your breath looks. The moment you start acting like life is a blessing, I assure you it will start to feel like one. Let’s act life as a blessing.

It could be disturbing when people talk much without any corresponding action.  The passivity of their words bothers me. They have all words, and no action. Some tell me they will do various things without ever getting anything done. As an educator, I like to ask what they’ve done lately, not necessarily what they will do.

Marc in  “getting back to happy” puts it more clearly, the last six letters in the word “attraction” are “action.” If you want to attract positive changes into your life, you can’t only work on your internal world (your knowledge) – you must also take action (do something with your knowledge). And remember, you can’t lift 1,000 pounds all at once, but you can easily lift one pound 1,000 times. In repetition, your little actions have great power. You become highly skilled at whatever you do again and again. Every day offers you the opportunity to develop a ritual of success, regardless of how you personally define success.

After several years in Europe. On this picture I was at Dublin Airport, I was passing through the tight security and wondering the reason surrounding my delay. It was a good time to remain negative because the  rush to catch my flight was strong. The sudden fear  of not wanting to miss my flight got a better part of me.

In the American Airways flight, I picked up a book and started reading these words,  Unsure if it was  Napoleon Hill, but it did encourage me.

The main idea of the book stresses that a positive mental attitude does not grow voluntarily, like the weeds of the fields. It requires cultivation, through carefully disciplined habits of thoughts. And the greatest of all training grounds for the cultivation of a positive mental attitude is provided by your chosen occupation, where you spend the greatest part of your life. Here you may combine your efforts to make them financially productive and to develop a positive mental attitude.

When you get your own thought habits under control, you will have yourself under control, but you cannot do it by drifting. Organize your thoughts. Decide what you want, to what position in life you aspire. Then plan ways and means to express your thoughts, in terms of organized action. Follow through with applied faith and unremitting persistence. This is the means by which you can become the master of your fate, the captain of your soul.

When giving a talk at a community college in Sacramento, California, I thought about how people think and settle for less. My life has always been punctuated with the decision of settling for less.  I understood the power of positive thinking, so I thought, yet I always dream of settling for comfort which is often less. I recall knowing that a positive mental attitude is the first and the most important of the 12 riches of life, and it cannot be attained by the drifter. It can be attained only by a scrupulous regard for time, through habits of self-discipline.  It’s understood that no amount of time devoted to one’s occupation can compensate for the benefits of a positive mental attitude, for this is the power that makes the use of time effective and productive.

Napoleon Hill wrote “a  positive mental attitude does not grow voluntarily, like the weeds of the fields. It requires cultivation, through carefully disciplined habits of thoughts. And the greatest of all training grounds for the cultivation of a positive mental attitude is provided by your chosen occupation, where you spend the greatest part of your life. Here you may combine your efforts to make them financially productive and to develop a positive mental attitude.

When you get your own thought habits under control, you will have yourself under control, but you cannot do it by drifting. Organize your thoughts. Decide what you want, to what position in life you aspire. Then plan ways and means to express your thoughts, in terms of organized action. Follow through with applied faith and unremitting persistence. This is the means by which you can become the master of your fate, the captain of your soul.”

Have we thought about the effect positive or negative association plays in our lives? 

Spending too little time with the right people. – Sooner or later, you just want to be around the people who make you smile. So today, spend time with those who help you love yourself more. And remember, the people you take for granted today may be the only ones you need tomorrow. Never be too busy to make time for those who matter most.

 Not taking action on meaningful goals. – Instead of complaining about your circumstances, get busy creating new ones. You either suffer the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. Most of the time, the only difference between who you are and who you want to be, is what you do.  When it’s all said and done, be sure you haven’t said more than you’ve done.

Sometimes there are relationships we see and quickly assume its greener on the other side. Our lives may not look as green as others. By green, I mean – productive, happy and pleasurable. The temptation and tendency in wanting to be like others is high. But we give up who we are to fit into what doesn’t exist.

 You have to admit, to a certain extent, you have spent too much of your life trying to shrink yourself. Trying to bend in half. Trying to become smaller. Quieter. Less sensitive. Less opinionated. Less YOU. Because you didn’t want to be too much or push people away. You wanted to fit in. You wanted people to like you. You wanted to make a good impression. You wanted to be wanted.

So for years, you sacrificed yourself for the sake of making other people happy. And for years, you suffered. Let this be your wake-up call…

The primary reason that a toxic relationship situation holds you back has little to do with what the other person does directly to you; instead, it’s about how you have to constantly shrink yourself to conform to the situation. The pain and toxicity festers when you choose to shrink.

When you choose to pull back, say less, or restrain your magnificence in any way out of fear, out of logic, or out of the cleverness to survive in a relationship, this spells trouble.

So it’s not about them, really, it’s about your response to them.

The next opportunity you have to spend time with this person (no matter how necessary, obligatory or comfortable it may seem), ask yourself:

Will I have to shrink to make this work, or is this a situation where I can grow?

Running away from some old lies could save our lives.

 There are absolutely no guarantees when you finally come clean and practice honesty with people. Sometimes you lose what you once had. Sometimes you don’t win love and trust back. Sometimes your mistakes cut ties. Sometimes you break your own heart in the process. Sometimes you lose your footing and your way. Sometimes you end up feeling worse off than you did before. But even a step or two backward, after making a wrong turn, is a step in the right direction. You walk away from every act of honesty with a heart free from lies and regret. You have closure, one way or the other, and this helps you in the long run.

Over time, you heal and find yourself living a life that’s far from the mental torture chamber you once lived in. This path to freedom and happiness is the scariest one you will ever navigate. However, it is the path that ultimately saves your life.

The sacrifices you make today will pay dividends in the future. – When it comes to working hard to achieve a dream – earning a degree, building a business, or any other personal achievement that takes time and commitment – one thing you have to ask yourself is:  “Am I willing to live a few years of my life like many people won’t, so I can spend the rest of my life like many people can’t?”.

 You are your most important relationship. – Happiness is when you feel good about yourself without feeling the need for anyone else’s approval.  You must first have a healthy relationship with yourself before you can have a healthy relationship with others.  You have to feel worthwhile and acceptable in your own eyes, so that you’ll be able to look confidently into the eyes of the people around you and connect with them.

Sometimes trying what’s we’ve never done we believe in could be very challenging. For example when making plans to get married, buy a new house, leave a relationship, or even change a State or Country. We put in so much thoughts into it to an extent we feel where we are could even be more comfortable because of the fear involved in making the next move.  It requires some nerve breaking time.

Settling for less than you are capable of. – Remember, growth and change may be painful sometimes, but nothing in life is as painful as staying stuck where you don’t belong. Collecting more excuses than you can count. – If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse. Letting impatience dominate your decisions and actions. – Patience is not about waiting; it’s the ability to keep a good attitude while working hard for what you believe in.

Lets keep believing in greater things and never settle for less.