Sometimes there are relationships we see and quickly assume its greener on the other side. Our lives may not look as green as others. By green, I mean – productive, happy and pleasurable. The temptation and tendency in wanting to be like others is high. But we give up who we are to fit into what doesn’t exist.
You have to admit, to a certain extent, you have spent too much of your life trying to shrink yourself. Trying to bend in half. Trying to become smaller. Quieter. Less sensitive. Less opinionated. Less YOU. Because you didn’t want to be too much or push people away. You wanted to fit in. You wanted people to like you. You wanted to make a good impression. You wanted to be wanted.
So for years, you sacrificed yourself for the sake of making other people happy. And for years, you suffered. Let this be your wake-up call…
The primary reason that a toxic relationship situation holds you back has little to do with what the other person does directly to you; instead, it’s about how you have to constantly shrink yourself to conform to the situation. The pain and toxicity festers when you choose to shrink.
When you choose to pull back, say less, or restrain your magnificence in any way out of fear, out of logic, or out of the cleverness to survive in a relationship, this spells trouble.
So it’s not about them, really, it’s about your response to them.
The next opportunity you have to spend time with this person (no matter how necessary, obligatory or comfortable it may seem), ask yourself:
Will I have to shrink to make this work, or is this a situation where I can grow?
Evans Akpo 